Today we’d like to introduce you to Pamela Harris Bowie
Pamela, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
I had always felt like a cat with nine lives, but of course we know a cat don’t have nine lives. I have always love writing. Even in college, a professor thought I didn’t write my paper, so he had me to come after class and write on a subject. I wrote a story that is now in my current book “No More Taking Hit after Hit: A Memoir About A Woman Who Discovered That The Fight Had Already Been Won & Want To Help You Do The Same” that is where a friend of mines was killed, and I saw it. The teacher asked me then was it true, but I denied it. Recently after going through therapy, I learned that I deal with a lot of situations with delusional thinking. That is, if I don’t talk about it, then it means it didn’t happen. This is a trauma response. This can be seen in a lot of people now how they are coping. See this new book was like my first baby. What got me writing was the loss of my mother. Writing became my coping mechanism to grief because all the lessons my mother had taught me came flowing back. It brought me comfort since I could no longer call her and talk. My God/adoptive mother, DeeDee taught me about therapy after I made a bad decision that led me in juvenile detention center when I was only in the 8th grade which is how my godmother became my adoptive mother. I couldn’t go back and stay with my parents because the victim lived there. The victim was my sister (my only sister). I discuss that encounter in my 1st book. In my second that is now out book, I dive deep in Chapter 5, “Are you Mad or Nah?”.
It talks about anger. Anger is an emotion, but it is not the primary emotion. It is like an iceberg that sit on the water. The anger iceberg theory is a psychological concept that suggests anger is just the visible tip of a deeper emotional issue. Similar to an iceberg, which has a small visible portion above the water and a larger hidden part beneath the surface. Anger often masks underlying emotions like hurt, fear, or frustration. This theory emphasizes the importance of exploring and addressing these underlying emotions to better manage and understand anger.
The anger iceberg theory supports the idea that anger is a secondary emotion by highlighting that it typically arises as a reaction to primary emotions lurking beneath the surface. Primary emotions, such as hurt, fear, or frustration, are often more vulnerable and less socially acceptable to express openly. When individuals feel threatened or hurt, they may instinctively respond with anger as a protective mechanism. Often it is shielding their deeper emotions from exposure. Recognizing and addressing these primary emotions is essential for a more comprehensive understanding and effective management of anger. DeeDee always taught me with every new change in life, you need to see your therapist. Do a check in because it is an outsider looking in. They are only telling you what they see and can give coaching and other perceptions that you may have not thought about. So, as I was going to therapy for the loss of my mother, I would always tell my therapist some of the lessons that kept coming back. She then would reply, “I saw on Instagram”. My therapist Cree said, “People just don’t leave money that make us wealthy. It is also knowledge. Your mother left you gems to help you in life so why not write about it.” That’s just what I did. I quickly learned to look at the picture from a different angle. Instead of me being the hardheaded think she known it all little girl, I simply was misunderstood and didn’t understand how to communicate or look at the situation from a different angle. This loss almost cost me my mind, but because my mother was big on having a relationship with God and not religion, I started pulling on those seeds she didn’t even know she was planting. She always said that God would always be there even when she’s gone. Never imagine it would have sooner than I expected. My mother always taught me God is the only one that would be able to save me. Nothing my mother really said made sense until she left. Now became the time I had to really get to know God for myself. Embracing and cherishing my own personal encounters because these situations became my life lessons that were meant to catapult me. I have quite a few. In webster, few means a fairly large number. Which ain’t no lies.
I’m thankful that she was a praying mother, because I believe it is those prayers she prayed that has been keeping me even to this day. See the biggest lesson losing my mother taught me was to stop losing people to know what value they held cause some people are irreplaceable. It was this pain that pushed me into purpose of writing and sharing my stories of how I overcame. Purpose is normally always connected to some pain. My purpose is spreading the message and help those who think they know it all little girl to listen to what is being said and try seeing it from a different perspective because that person just may be right. I learn PAIN means Pay Attention I’m Near. God is always near, and he will never leave or forsake you. FEAR means Forfeit Everything And Run. Fear often keeps us in our comfort zone instead of pushing us towards our calling. Fear becomes a barrier preventing us from pursing what we truly desire. See your perspective has the power to make or break you. You are powerful. Life and death lie in your tongue. You shall have what you see. See the devil knows this. That is why the only power he has is suggestion. Grasping the revelation that each trial has an expiration date and prepares us for something greater is the thing that will keep your head in the game. What are you hearing? We are in a microwave generation. We want it now, and it’s all about what you can see. The opposite of faith is not fear. It is sight because if it looks like it isn’t going to happen, we now start to panicking, worrying, and stressing. This is the point where you have taken hold of the suggestion because you accepted it. DON’T. The choose is all up to you. We all have free will.
My 1st book “Mama Said Moments: 10 Things To Remember When Life Gets Hard” became my lifeline with the nuggets my mama left on how to get to her. She is no longer here, but her spirit and words will forever live in me. Since my mother left, it left me searching for what she knew. Her favorite scripture is so true. Her favorite scripture she always used was Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. It talks about there is a time for everything and how it will happen at the right time. As I kept reading, I immediately saw we are 3 parts (Body, soul, and spirit) just like our creator (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). We were made in his image. The body is visible of physical life. The soul deals with thinking and choosing. Spirit deals with inner decisions and deep commitment. All of this is God’s wonderful plan for our life BUT of course this isn’t our plan. We sometimes think we know better. Remember a creation can never be the creator. BIG FACTS.
No one escape hurts and sorrows of life. To grow takes work. Everything you endure is pushing you to your purpose. It’s growing you. The real you come out in your pain moments. You not only see yourself better, but also everybody around you. You see exactly where they stand. I learn to embrace the fire, and don’t be consume by it. Don’t let it make you bitter. Walk through the process because it came to refine you, NOT destroy you. Fire causes impurities to rise to the surface for easier removal. I definitely been intentional about my healing. As I wrote the new book called ” No More I’m Done Taking Hit After Hit: A Memoir About a Woman Who Discovered That the Fight Had Already Been Won & Wants to Help You Do the Same”, I realized that pain often pushes us to mature, become stronger, and prepare you for future battles that would have potentially destroyed you had you not been processed prior to.
I believe we must recognize that we operate from a place of victory. Before the battle even begins, we must know that the intended outcome has already been pre-recorded. YOU WIN!! Even when it looks like you are losing, you are still winning. This new book was written for all the people that feels that life is throwing everything at them except a break. I know they may be tired, frustrated, and ready to quit; but I need them to know life gets better. I need people to take a stand and tell themselves they will no longer take the hit without getting the lesson. This book will help you see and address your own hits that may have turned into trauma. It will help you to start reframing your thoughts. I don’t know about you, but for me to hear and see somebody else dealing and coping with similar situations, it gives me hope. It gives me strength to keep going knowing I can make it to the other side. It helps me to hold on. Use my personal stories to help you begin the process of discovering that the fight has already been won if you don’t know. No longer will you be defeated by life and its obstacles. My scars narrate a story- a reminder of times when life tried to break me, BUT failed. They mark moments when the structure of my character was strengthened. When people throw stones at you, it’s because you’re a good tree, full of fruits, even if you can’t see it yet. They sense a harvest in you. God never consult your past to determine your future, so don’t let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present. Keep showing up because consistency is the foundation. Tell your story as you walk through it. Never be ashamed of your situation. Speaking your truth causes the shame to dissipate. Your history is a steppingstone to your destination. Even when it feels like life is pulling you backward, remember the slingshot analogy- pulling back is necessary for a powerful launch forward. These hits are preparing you for a remarkable future, transforming you from a wimp to warrior. The pain you endured became a blessing, shaping you into a powerful weapon for the kingdom. Let go of trauma bonding; your trauma is not your truth. It’s time to live beyond survival mode. Your body, mind, and spirit will thank you. Enough is enough! You must say, NO MORE! I’m DONE TAKING HIT AFTER HIT! Let your journey towards healing and purpose begin to unfold. Keep walking. I will never quit. I will keep walking and writing even with my recent diagnoses of MS (Mutiple Scoliosis). God has healed and saved me multiple times before, so this won’t be any different. So as you experience another hurt or test, do a look back. Look back at the previous times you made it out. It’s your reference point. This is why people ain’t got to like or love me because God keeps proving that he got me! God gets active about me. Believe that. I truly believe MS will not stand for Mutiple Scoliosis but for Mystery Solved. If I have to be the example, I don’t mind anymore. I will be the miracle.
Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
No, it hasn’t been a smooth road. I never want to write because of what others would say. I had to get that LET THEM attitude because no matter what you do, they are going to talk about you anyway good or bad. You will have to feel it so you can deal with it. Get out of survival mode. Your body wasn’t created to survive in that mode long. Deal so you can heal. That’s the ultimate goal. You matter and people are willing to help you if you let them. Always remember we have free will so the choice is all ultimately yours. People are here on earth to be answers for others, so I now have no problem sharing my stories with other. Your story was not just meant for you. You have others attached to you. You become the instruction manual. The greatest evidence of your faith is not what you got, but what you got through!
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I have worked in customer service for over 20 years. I started when I was 15 years old. Started in fast food to now a Medicare Advocate for an insurance company. I proud myself on the level of care and attention I give my members. I treat everyone I come in contact with as family. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Education is the key. I don’t want to make choices for anybody, but I want to make people equipped by giving all the information so they can make the best choice for themselves because nobody knows about you more than self. My mother always taught me to learn as much as you can because nobody can take that away from you. I have always been a giver, so I am going to go back to school to get my master’s in social work concentrating on mental health to give back to others by helping clients adjust to changes and challenges they may experience in their lives. Mental health is just as important as your physical health. I currently have my BS in Biology with Honors. Yes, I am an author, but I consider that a hobby. I don’t talk about nothing I don’t know. Sadly, I know because I had to live it so what better way than from somebody who already walked that path. I also created a business when my mother passed called Creations Lasting like Memories because once a person is gone that is all you are left with is memories. So, I create book, pictures, and custom art pieces in memory of a loved one. The fact that I never gave up after all the hits I have been delt is the thing I am most proud of. I believe instead of making excuses make the necessary adjustments and keep going. I won’t be defeated. The level of care that I show to people (no matter who they are) make me different.
What quality or characteristic do you feel is most important to your success?
I feel the characteristic that is most important to my success is my integrity and resilience. I don’t care how great a person is at something if their character isn’t intact, it doesn’t even matter. See, at the heart of integrity stands trust, credibility, and character. Your character will always speak for you. I value showing up and being accountable for another man’s stuff because if I can do it for somebody else, I will not have a problem showing up for myself. Own it and doing what’s right even when people are not watching is a part of integrity. I also show a lot of resilience. It is the key for growth and success. No matter what, I get back up stronger and wiser. It’s never a loss just a lesson. I have learned to adapt and grow in the face of challenges and overcome difficulties because I refuse to waste my pain. I see myself as an heir of the most high, so of course I am a force to be reckon with, a light in the dark. I will always SHINE BRIGHT! This is a fixed victory. I start in victory so I will end in victory. So, if I get to a point in my life and it don’t look good then I know my story is not over, so I have to keep walking and speaking it until I see it. Remember you can too. I’m cheering for you. #FIXVICTORY
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.hitafterhit.net
- Instagram: Combac or Mama Said Moments
- Facebook: Combac Pam
Image Credits
Tanjanica Crowder
